By: S. Davis
This is an actual conversation I had the other night when I was hanging around the City of Angels a few nights ago. Just to frame this conversation here is some context in the event it matters: It’s not about racism or anything of the sort. This isn’t being posted with a judgmental eye at all yet it continues to run in my mind and it’s been a joy to have it dance around in my head. I figured to share it because you may find it amusing.
I was out on the town because women are there and I wanted to be around them. Simple? Very little alcohol was consumed during this compelling meeting, for the most part. For privacy purposes, I’ll refer to my primary interlocutor as “Jane.” I was having a fun little chat with Jane’s friend – we swapped phone numbers; I’ll refer to her as “Dana” going forward – and as Dana was talking with her brother’s friends I went to the restroom and upon coming back to the bar….well, just read along.
Jane: Oh…hey I’m sorry but I don’t date black men.
S: Wait, what? What are you talking about?
Jane: Huh? I dunno, my friend said you wanted to know if I was single.
S: What friend is that?
S: Are you sure because, for one, if I wanted to know if you were single I would just ask the question to you directly.
Jane: Oh, ok…
S: And your friend and I just exchanged numbers.
Dana walks over.
Dana: Are you coming back over, cutie?
S: Hey there, yeah I am. Love, did you tell your friend that I was interested in her?
Dana: No! Woman, I guess there was a miscommunication. It was another guy, bitch.
Jane: Shut up, bitch!
Both women begin laughing. I shake my head and smirk.
Dana: I told you to get under your skin because you have your quirks and shit about guys you date. Certain guys you date, it wasn’t him.
Dana’s phone rings.
Dana: It’s my cousin, I have to take this. I’ll be outside with my brother. I’ll be out front, handsome, don’t take too long.
S: You got it, gorgeous.
Jane: Is she coming out, girl?
Dana: I don’t know, let me talk to her.
S: Now about the first thing you said to me. Hmm…
Jane: I don’t date black guys, it’s nothing personal. It’s just a preference, it’s not a big deal really.
S: I see. Was there a bad experience in the past?
Jane: Uh, nope. It’s just not my thing.
I take a scan of the room.
S: You’re aware that there are a ton of black guys in this place, right?
She shrugs her shoulders.
S: What if one of them came over, respectfully, wanted to chat and maybe buy you a drink or wanted to take you on a date?
Jane: I’d say that I have a man.
S: But you don’t.
Jane: I know what I want. What’s the big deal with that? I’m sure you have preferences. I don’t get it; it’s like guys that only date girls with big boobs, big butts or whatever. It’s just a matter of preference. Like, I’m sure my ex dated me because I’m busty.
I slyly glance at her chest. She’s correct!
S: Sure but I’m almost positive that he’s dated women that weren’t as ample, cup-size wise.
Jane: He’s in a relationship now with a girl who’s smaller that I am.
S: Ok, see he has a preference for women with big boobs but he didn’t turn away a woman who didn’t fit those parameters.
Jane: So what about you, mister? Don’t you have certain types of women you go for more than others?
S: If you want to go into my dating history, most of the women I’ve dated have been Hispanic, specifically Puerto-Rican, or Black…or a mix of the two. However I’ve dated across the rainbow of nationalities and ethnicities. I’m shallow so as long as a woman is pretty, I’m game and then I hope she’s smart and funny so I won’t want to chew through my arm when she opens her mouth to talk.
Jane: That’s funny.
S: Question, if I may…
S: What other men do you date?
Jane: I only date white men.
S: Got it. So let’s say three men approach you and they all have what you’re looking for, specifically, an African-American, a Mexican, and a Caucasian. They have all the things you want in a boyfriend or even future husband – and the black man is actually a better fit in terms of personality…no, in terms of everything. So when you add things up, the black guy is a nine in terms of what he offers while the others rate at a six or seven…who’s the choice?
Jane: The white guy. I don’t date black men.
S: So you would date the guy that was the worst of three choices?
Jane: In your scenario, yes.
S: Isn’t that more than a preference?
Jane: I don’t think it is. I just think it would be easier for me to date someone with a similar upbringing, similar background, ethnically, and it just would be easier to get along with each other in the long run.
Jane: Do you have a favorite type of ice cream?
S: I have a few.
Jane: What are they?
S: Butter almond, pistachio, vanilla, chunky monkey, chocolate chip, coconut, cookies & cream, banana, chocolate brownie…I mean there are just so many.
Jane: But if you had to choose just one? You have nice slice of cake and just have to top it off with a couple of scoops of one flavor, one, which would it be?
S: Well, I would probably take butter almond.
Jane: That’s YOUR preference, see?
S: In the way you framed your question, yes, I didn’t have another choice. I would gladly choose any of the flavors I mentioned though. I didn’t exclude any of them but your question forced me to do so. All the flavors appeal to me, whereas you accept one and one only.
Jane: I hope you’re not calling me racist or anything.
S: No, not at all. I just find it weird that you would take someone who you know is less worthy of all you have to offer him because he doesn’t fall into a particular category.
Jane: I wouldn’t date a total bum if he was white, I’d leave him alone, and after all I’m not desperate. I do have a type though.
S: I see that. Yet it does seem to be a rule.
Jane: Don’t judge me; I don’t have anything against any one of any color. I have black friends.
S: I’m going to go outside and spend some time with your friend.
I went outside to chat with Dana.
It was a fun night and we all danced and had a good time. I didn’t drink because I have enough trouble staying alive in LA traffic when sober but a part of me wanted to during the highlighted conversation. Dana and I watched guy after guy…after guy get turned away by Jane. Oddly enough she complained about being single at the end of the evening but in her defense she did have a few cocktails as the night progressed. Blame it on the hard liquor, I guess.
Over the last six months I’ve been giving an ample amount of time to the thought of taking on a committed relationship. To all the important women in my life: Yeah, you read that right, ha. I like being single, I always have, but having a girlfriend is something I’d like to try again. I don’t feel this way often so I’d like to capitalize on it while I do. The biggest obstacle in making this a reality is that I don’t run across many single, attractive women. The few I’ve come across were good for a fun weekend but frankly not intelligent enough to hold my attention for anything deeper.
Were the women that told me they were involved being completely candid? This question crossed my mind recently, when it never really has; it’s something I doubt I ever considered over my entire life. Was being African-American a negative in their eyes as I approached them?There’s no way to be sure.
Recently I learned through an associate of an associate of an associate that a woman I had a flirtatious conversation with months ago doesn’t date black men. Of course the aforementioned woman didn’t divulge that little morsel as we spoke for about five minutes. She said she was “in a relationship” so I wished her well and got on with the rest of my evening.
Never have I once considered race when I’ve gone after a woman; nationality, ethnicity, skin color, hair texture…none of that ever enters the equation for me. Maybe that makes me odd. Amazing. I’ve never been labeled normal anyway.