By: Shawn Davis
For a long while now I’ve been ruminating on the subject of whether they exist. Since I’m human – last time I checked – I’m prone to dismiss it altogether but there are times it enters the front of my thoughts. I have never believed that the idea of a soul mate exists…or is even reasonable. It’s a far-reaching ideal that I’m sure has doomed many a lover trying to attain it; walking away from a partner because they may not be perfect all in the hopes of finding that one person.
At no point in my life have I even uttered the words because I knew how much weight they could undoubtedly hold. I have truly loved three women – and they ever heard me speak those words. On the other hand the four women that said they loved me have all referred to me as theirs. These relationships all ended, and I wonder if they ponder having said it to me, or anyone else they’ve loved for that matter.
I really wanted to speak to those four women just to see what type of conversation the topic would generate but since I’m only in touch with one of them it would just provide me one opinion when I’d like to hear several, just for the purposes of whatever this piece ultimately becomes. Quite a spot, huh?
Am I still your soul mate even if the relationship ended and we never reconciled?
The inquiry above would be the only one I would ask, and the most pertinent, no matter where the conversation led after it was posed. There is one of my former girlfriends that would say “yes” because I “understand” her in ways that other men have failed to. I would ague – and have, that sharing a deeper connection does not equal a soul mate. She and I have debated this very topic for years and she has yet to waver. Full disclosure, she and I last spoke over two years ago so I have no idea if she holds that position today.
Which would inevitably lead to:
What to do when the soul mate doesn’t work? What happens to the next person I commit too?
This is where it can get tricky. Since I don’t subscribe to the soul mate line of thinking I date around – and once I’m involved, seriously, I just go along with the relationship if it’s healthy and helping us both grow…until it ends. (They all do at some point.) For me, I’ve always felt that two people are going to be together for a certain period of time until they part. It can be due to old age, one dies, or, more commonly, it’s time to travel separate paths.
Another ex and I were young when she told me so I don’t even know how to quantify it. She is someone who remains in my life and has been for over 14 years – and I’m pretty sure we’ll carry our friendship far into the future.
It’s not remotely reasonable to attach such a label to another human being. I’m sure most of the time it’s said in the rapture of love and emotion – and while I’m sure they felt completely justified in expressing it verbally – it’s incredibly difficult to overlook the power and influence of love and emotion.
I’ve been greatly honored when I’ve heard it but it has also made me feel pressured, slightly. Not in a way that forced me to stick around through mess I wouldn’t bother with under normal circumstances – but due to the weight of the words, the label.
Most women I’ve come across feel pretty strongly about the existence of soul mates so I wonder if it’s a thing close to the hearts and minds of women, predominantly – and why? Where did it begin? Is it because of fairy tales and the idea of a “prince charming” when they’re little girls? The majority of men I know don’t believe in it.
The opinion that would matter the most I cannot get because I was a jerk and broke her heart years ago. Picking her brain would be fun but I don’t deserve that conversation and I fully own that.
I find it to be a rather peculiar subject: A soul mate.